Harry Potter Meets Changing Rooms
by VMorticia
Summary: Changing Rooms, with Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen and Linda Barker. Redecorating the Slytherin and Gryffindor common rooms ... featuring Quidditch and a misbehaving black dog ... please R/R


Harry Potter Meets Changing Rooms  
  
Ever wondered what might happen if Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen got his hands on the Slytherin common room? Or if Linda Barker found her way into the Gryffindor common room? And with Harry and Hermione helping Laurence ... and Draco and Pansy helping Linda ... this could get interesting, couldn't it?  
  
* * * X * * *  
  
"Hello, and Welcome to Changing Rooms!" Carol Smilie started, "Today, we're here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to redesign the living areas of the two main houses. On my left, we have the green team, with Linda Barker, and on my right, we have the red team, with Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen -"  
  
"Wait a minute! You can't let him near our common room! Did you guys not see that episode where he did the Red-Room? There is NO way ... if I see one drop of red down there, there will be more, and it'll be your blood!" Draco started.  
  
"Shut up Malfoy!" Harry said, calmly ... he'd said it often enough, by now, that it was second nature to him. Draco scowled at them, but did shut up.  
  
"Now, you'll need to exchange passwords." Carol said.  
  
"Bouncing Ferret." Harry said, smirking.  
  
Draco's scowl grew, but then he said, "Abra Kadabra." and his customary smirk returned with it. It was Harry's turn to scowl.  
  
Both teams then departed, Harry, Hermione and Laurence made their way down to the dungeons, while Draco, Pansy and Linda climbed the moving staircase, in the general direction of Gryffindor tower.  
  
* * *  
  
"O.K. ... I've read your brief, and you said you wanted to liven this place up, a bit ... I can see why, to be honest. Now, this is the colour-scheme I've got, from what you've told me." Laurence said, as he sat in the middle of the now-empty-of-furniture Slytherin common room. He opened a tin of paint, to reveal a lurid yellow - something you might see in Hufflepuff house. The second tin was neon-orange. The third contained bright barbie pink.  
  
"This looks good." Harry said, completely unable to surpress the malicious smirk that appeared on his face.  
  
"They'll love it." Hermione added.  
  
* * *  
  
"All right, then ... here's the colours I got, from what you've told me ... you said you wanted a gothic theme, emphasis on the dark bit, right?" Linda asked. Both the seventh year Slytherins nodded, smiling. Linda then opened the first tin of paint, to reveal ... black. The second tin was barely-black. The third was dark gray. The fourth was a dark blood-red.  
  
Draco scowled, "I said we didn't want red." he snapped, suddenly.  
  
"You want to go for the gothic theme ... blood-red is an essential part of that theme." Linda said, sweetly.  
  
Pansy looked at Draco, "It's not actually Gryffindor-red ... it's not that bad - she might be right." Pansy said.  
  
Draco growled, quietly, "Whatever." he muttered.  
  
* * *  
  
Handy Andy had set up his work-shop near the Charms classroom, which was half-way between the two common rooms. Professor Flitwick had appeared, and was having an in-depth discussion with Andy, when Linda arrived.  
  
"Hello ... I've got a job for you." Linda said, in her sweetest 'be-nice-to-me-I'm-just-a-weak-little-girl' voice - total fake, and everyone (especially Andy) knew that.  
  
"Waddaya want this time?" Andy asked.  
  
"I'd like you to make a seating unit, to this design." she said, laying a piece of parchment in front of Andy.  
  
Andy examined it for a moment, "This'll never work - see these measurements? A normal person wouldn't fit into those seats."  
  
"Well my team drew this up ... I'm sure you can make it all work." Linda said, and promptly made herself scarce, before Andy could protest further.  
  
Andy turned to the short professor, and asked, "Right, then, how do I do that Charm, again?"  
  
* * *  
  
Harry and Hermione were busy painting the walls of the Slytherin common room, in splashes of luminous colours, with the specific intention of making it look like an explosion in a paint factory. Hermione had suggested they add sickly-lime-green to the colour mix, just so the Slytherins couldn't say they hadn't used green.  
  
Laurence walked in, and blinked a few times, "Er - this is ... bright." he said.  
  
"You picked the colour scheme." Hermione said, innocently, as she plastered barbie pink all over the dank stone walls.  
  
"I'm beginning to regret that." Laurence muttered. He then turned and walked out of the room, muttering to himself about how this could ruin his reputation.  
  
* * *  
  
Linda, Pansy and Draco were arguing about how to use the red paint. Linda insisted it would look best as higlights on some of the stones on the wall. Pansy was determined to simply spill the tin of red paint on the floor and make it look like a blood-stain. Draco, meanwhile, was adamant that painting a pair of red eyes on the wall would get the best reaction out of the Gryffindors.  
  
* * *  
  
Handy Andy could be seen, lounging around, outside ... near the Quidditch pitch, while he was supposed to be working.  
  
* * *  
  
Laurence returned to the Slytherin common room, with a few new tins of paint, and Professor Flitwick. "All right, you two - I don't think this is working out, so I've asked Professor Flitwick to teach me a paint stripping charm. We're starting over, again."  
  
Harry looked most disappointed. "But I thought this looked just right." he complained.  
  
"It is a bit over the top, Harry." Hermione said.  
  
So the paint on the walls was disolved, and Laurence took charge of supervising the re-painting in more civilized colours.  
  
* * *  
  
Handy Andy was now talking to Lisa Hamilton - the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain, and she was telling him all about the rules of the game, and showing him how to fly a broomstick ... still, he was supposed to be making that seating unit for Linda.  
  
* * *  
  
Laurence was searching the castle for Andy, who was not in his workshop. He looked out of a window, and saw someone who had to be Andy (he was wearing the Handy Andy T-shirt) flying around the Quidditch pitch.  
  
* * *  
  
Laurence arrived on the pitch, and shouted up, "Hey! Could you come down here, for a minute?"  
  
Andy landed, and Lisa Hamilton, who had been watching from the stands suddenly ran over to Laurence, "Oooo ... Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen ... can I have your autograph?" she asked, bobbing up and down, on the balls of her feet, like Colin Creevy does when he sees Harry.  
  
Laurence sighed, in a resinged way, and signed the piece of parchment she held out to him, which - he noticed - already had Andy's signature on it. He then turned to Andy, "I need a storage unit ... there's a lot of clutter, including some slimey things in jars that need to be put out of sight, in that room. And I'd like a table, too."  
  
Andy nodded, and took the piece of parchment, containing the two sketches, from Laurence. "No problem." he said.  
  
"Has Linda not given you anything to do, yet?" Laurence asked.  
  
"Yeah - she's given me loads of work to do." Andy replied.  
  
"And you're out here, playing Quidditch?" Laurence asked, sceptically.  
  
"Yes." Andy said, with a conspiratorial grin.  
  
Laurence shrugged, and turned to leave, calling over his shoulder, "As long as you get that storage unit and the table made for me, I don't care."  
  
* * *  
  
"I don't like it." Hermione said, looking at the new design that Laurence had come up with.  
  
Laurence reached out, and put his hand on her arm, "Don't worry, darling, it'll be lovely." he said, soothingly. Amazingly, it worked.  
  
* * *  
  
"It's horrible." Draco muttered, taking in the piece of 'modern art' that Linda had produced, using scraps of fabric. It looked so ... wrong, to Draco's eyes.  
  
"I think it's lovely." Linda said, as Pansy made a vomitting noise.  
  
* * *  
  
Andy was now learning some of the more complicated Chaser tactics, and picking them up extremely quickly. He performed a complicated series of loop-the-loops, and threw the Quaffle into the goals, past Lisa Hamilton, who was known to be the most competent Keeper in the school. He still hadn't touched his work-tools.  
  
* * *  
  
The black dog had snuck into the Slytherin common room, and was now carefully, and deliberately dipping his paws in the sickly-lime-green paint, and wandering around the room, leaving painted paw-prints around about a quarter of the floor.  
  
* * *  
  
Draco was doing his best to sabotage Linda's attempt to make the room look good, by 'accidentally' spilling the black paint all over the new Gryffindor-red cusions that Linda had just made.  
  
* * *  
  
Andy still hadn't done any work, and was now being offered a place on an international Quidditch team, by someone who had been sent to check out the school for competent players (this guy had been hoping to catch Harry Potter practicing, but he thought this Chaser - Andy - was damned good).  
  
* * *  
  
Amazingly, when Linda arrived to collect her seating unit, it was sitting there, completed and ready to use.  
  
When Laurence went to fetch his storage unit and his table, they were also finished.  
  
* * *  
  
Andy was still out on the Quidditch pitch, showing off.  
  
* * *  
  
Harry and Hermione (and Padfoot) were adding the 'finishing touches' to the Slytherin common room, when Laurence arrived, with the storage unit.  
  
Laurence frowned at the obscene mural on the wall, and simply covered it with one half of the storage unit. The room was completed, and Laurence ushered the two Gryffindor students and dog out of the Slytherin common room.  
  
* * *  
  
Linda brought her seating unit up to the Gryffindor common room, to find Draco doodling on the wall, with the red paint. Also, there was black paint all over her expertly sewn red velvet cushions. She disappeared, and reappeared with Professor Flitwick, who performed a couple of paint-removing charms, and the room was suitable. Linda dragged the two Slytherins out of the Gryffindor common room, and all was ready.  
  
* * *  
  
"So, Laurence, do you know how much over budget you weren't, today?" Carol asked.  
  
"No. I thought I'd gone way over." Laurence admitted.  
  
"You had a fifty Galleon budget, and you only spent forty-seven Galleons, and twelve Sickles." Carol informed him.  
  
Laurence blinked, "Wow ... are you sure you got the exchange rate right?" he asked.  
  
"Yes ... now, tell me - what was your favourite part of this room?" Carol asked.  
  
"It has to be the lighting features ... the Charms teacher helped me set up this star-light thing, here, which changes with the time of year, so it matches the pattern of the stars in the sky." Laurence said.  
  
"And the most expensive?" Carol continued.  
  
"Had to be the paint ... I spent twenty Galleons on paints alone ... it's because we had a - disagreement - on the colour scheme." Laurence said.  
  
"And your biggest deal?" Carol asked.  
  
"Was also the lighting features - all done by the Charms teacher, and all free." Laurence said, smugly.  
  
"So, let's see if they like it." Carol said.  
  
* * *  
  
Pansy and Draco had been blindfolded (because the Changing Rooms crew had been told that they were likely to cheat and look before they were told to, if they weren't) as they walked into their common room. "O.K. you can open your eyes, now." Carol told them, as she removed the blindfolds.  
  
Draco kept his eyes closed, absolutely terrified at what he might see, while Pansy opened her eyes, and gasped. "How bad is it?" Draco asked.  
  
"It's amazing!" Pansy breathed.  
  
Draco risked a look, and his eyes widened in total amazement. The room was painted in an almost-black shade of purple, which only served to compliment the dark green serpentine design winding around the whole room. The ceiling was draped in dark green velvety fabric, with silver woven through it, and lights sparkling through the fabric, like stars. There were burnished sliver-coloured cabinets on either side on the fireplace, and all the slimey things in jars (which Snape had liked, but the students had been pretty much repulsed by) had disappeared. There was a richly designed carpet, that covered about a quarter of the cold stone floor, near the fireplace, and there was a large carved wooden table that hadn't been there before - it looked like a slice out of a tree, with legs. "Wow!" Draco whispered, "I thought they'd have ruined the place ... and that Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen's reputation didn't make me feel any better ... but this is wonderful!"  
  
* * *  
  
"Well, Linda ... you know you went over your budget, here?" Carol asked.  
  
"I thought so." Linda said.  
  
"You had fifty Galleons to work with, and you spent fifty-one Galleons, five Sickles, and ten Knuts." Carol said, while Linda nodded, with a smile - as if she was proud of the fact she had gone over budget. Carol continued, "So what was your favourite piece here?"  
  
"Well this seating unit worked out to be the best ... Andy modified the design my team came up with, and it's fit in here perfectly." Linda said, proudly.  
  
"And your most expensive piece?" Carol asked.  
  
"Paint ... those kids kept spilling it, and I would have had to replace all the cushions if the Charms teacher hadn't helped me with a paint removal charm." Linda said, with a touch of annoyance in her voice.  
  
"And your biggest bargain?" Carol asked.  
  
"Was probably that lighting feature ... the Charms teacher, again - I think he did more work than Andy." Linda said, "Actually, I think he did Andy's work for him." she added, in a conspiratorial whisper.  
  
"All right, then ... let's find out what they think of it." Carol said.  
  
* * *  
  
Harry and Hermione were also blindfolded (out of fairness) as they entered their common room. "All right, you can open your eyes." Carol said, as she removed the blindfolds.  
  
Both Gryffindors opened their eyes immediately. Hermione gasped in amazement, and Harry's jaw dropped. "There is no way Malfoy and Parkinson had any say in this." Harry said. Hermione nodded in agreement to Harry's statement.  
  
The room was painted in dark grey, with red highlights on the stonework, and what could be mistaken for tapestries, hanging from the walls ... different shades of red fabrics (somehow managing not to clash) and gold-leaf ... it looked brilliant. And the seating unit was a large round table, with wooden benches curved around it. The old chairs were still there. And a lighting feature that resembled the sun, in the middle of the ceiling. The rest of the ceiling had been done with gold-leaf, too, and it reflected the light from the sun-shaped feature beautifully. "It's gorgeous!" Hermione finally managed to whisper.  
  
* * *  
  
"So, once again, we have two sets of satisfied customers ... join us again, for another episode of Changing Rooms." Carol said, as the closing credits started to roll, and the music started to play.  
  
* * * X * * *  
  
And you will not find me writing any more Changing Rooms stories - this is a one-off, and there will be no sequal chapter. 


End file.
